I am an old married grandpa ally. The types of things you describe are all too common. And I have the sinking feeling that allies (and there are thousands of us!) are rarely in a position to do anything except listen to the stories after the fact, and I have heard them from my friends.

It is an honor to be trusted enough for another to be vulnerable, and it is heartbreaking when I hear of some malicious act or violence; all I can say is I hope if I were there I would have stood up for the person.